Profile of a Doubter, Part 1: Sarah (Written by my Wife)

Profile of a Doubter, Part 1: Sarah (Written by my Wife)

As I started reading the bible from the beginning again in January, one story still sticking with me is the story of Abram & Sarai, also known as Abraham & Sarah.  I am not going to copy and paste their entire story, but I will sum up a small portion of their lives.  You first learn about their existence in Genesis 11.  By Genesis 12, God first promises He will make Abram into a great nation.  Although they have no children, God continually promises Abram that his "seed" will inherit the land.  At one point, he shows Abram the stars and tells him his descendants will be as numerous as the stars in the sky. 

By Genesis 16, Sarai no longer trusts she is supposed to be included in God's plan to bless Abram with children.  She does not believe God is capable of opening up the womb of an old, barren woman.  In her disbelief and impatience, she goes against the will of God and wants Abram to have a child through her young servant Hagar. 

This could be seen as an act of love for her husband because she wants God's best for her beloved.  Sarai wants to make sure Abram is blessed even if she cannot be the one to help assure this blessing.  However, also because of her great love for Abram, she is also jealous of Hagar's pregnancy.  She abuses Hagar and sends the servant away. (Also because Hagar has begun to despise Sarai as well - we don't know why.  Maybe she never wanted to have a child with an old man, or maybe the opposite: she loved Abram as well.)

Let me stop right here.  This shows that when we go against God's plan for our lives and try to take matters into our own hands, that not only do we suffer, but those that get dragged into our schemes suffer as well.  Yet, God had mercy on Hagar and her son Ishmael, and continually took care of them.  God eventually sent them back home so Ishmael could benefit from being raised by his father.  (Although Ishmael is cursed and told he will be "wild" and "his hand will be against everyone" and the feelings will be mutual - Genesis 16.)

In chapter 17, God appears to Abram and changes his name to Abraham and Sarai to Sarah.  He again renews his promise of many heirs.  When God reestablishes his covenant with Abraham by saying Sarah will have a son, He says they will call him Isaac, which means "he laughs."  Isaac will be the father of many nations.  Abraham initially laughs because he is now 100 years old and Sarah is 90.   When Abraham laughs, I believe his laughter is more out of amusement than of disbelief.  After all, the bible says he fell facedown before the Lord, which shows humility, not arrogant doubt.     

In chapter 18, the Lord and two angels visit Abraham's camp.  He asks Sarah to fix their guests a meal.  The Lord tells Abraham that by this time next year, Sarah will have given birth to a son.  Sarah  has been listening to the conversation.  She also laughs.  The difference in her laughter is that there seems to be more disbelief in her heart than that of her husband. 

Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord [husband] being old also?”

And the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’  Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.”

But Sarah denied it, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid.

And He said, “No, but you did laugh!”  Genesis 18:12-15

These above verses are what have been sticking with me - how much I am like Sarah.  Evidence can be staring me in the face, and I will still not believe.  The Lord Himself gives signs asked for (in Sarah's case, God appeared in bodily form), and yet I still laugh and say, "Are you sure?" 

Not only did Sarah laugh, but she lied to the Lord and denied her disbelief.  But God knows all and, as you just read, He says, "but you did laugh!"   We may also be afraid of God knowing what is in our heart, but we cannot hide our feelings from God.  Besides, God understands our human nature, so we do not need to be afraid to admit when we have fear or doubt. 

So God, who knows the heart, acknowledged them by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as He did to us.  Acts 15:8

By Genesis 21, Isaac is born! 

And the Lord visited Sarah as He had said, and the Lord did for Sarah as He had spoken.  For Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him. And Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him—whom Sarah bore to him—Isaac...  Now Abraham was one hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him. And Sarah said, “God has made me laugh, and all who hear will laugh with me.” She also said, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? For I have borne him a son in his old age.” Genesis 21:1-7 

In spite of Sarah's disrespect in the presence of God, He is faithful and honors His promises. 

I don't know for certain how much time passes from when Abram is first promised to be the father of many nations until the time when Isaac is born.  We do know it took him a long time to travel from Ur to Canaan, so it was a bit of a wait.  It may sometimes seem like a long time coming before God fulfills what has been promised to us.  This is where faith plays a major role.  It is sometimes difficult to focus on the big picture of what we know lies ahead.  It is easier to focus on the here and now staring us in the face.  It is hard not to become discouraged while waiting.  We wonder if maybe God changed His mind, or if we were really promised what we thought. Are we being punished?  God can sometimes withhold a blessing until we have our hearts right with Him, but we have to also consider certain circumstances are merely a timing issue.  God goes before us and prepares the way so that by the time we get to where the promised blessing can be fulfilled, it will all easily fall into place. 

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.  Hebrews 10:23

In spite of Sarah's laughter, she is still remembered in history as a woman of great faith.  She is even mentioned in Hebrews 11, also referred to as "The Hall of Faith" chapter.  This shows that an occasional doubt in God's limitless abilities does not have to ruin our relationship with Him.  It is okay to be like Sarah and have doubt and maybe even laugh when we think something is impossible.  The key is to repent of our ignorance and move on.  It is never to late to trust again. We apologize to One who makes all things possible, and rebuild our faith, even if it takes a brick at a time.

By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised.  Hebrews 11:11